First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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