Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
