You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
