Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i love accidental penises.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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