remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize