Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
