my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
