you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
