The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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