when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
