at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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