Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
im holly from the hills drunk
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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