dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize