Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize