Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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