halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
