im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
