You made me cry and you don't even care
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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