new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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