I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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