..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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