so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
