So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
