I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
