will power is for people who don't want to get laid
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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