with your own penis?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize