Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
