I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
