I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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