Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
