you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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