Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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