Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
