I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
