I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
