I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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