So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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