thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
