Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize