I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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