its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
as a side note pls kill me
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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