Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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