i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
