Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
