She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
