She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
