Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I need a beard to bite.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
