I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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