the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
