we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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