After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He keeps bees of course he's weird
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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