I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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