She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
