Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
