so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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