you guys were way drunker than both of me
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
