I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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