Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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