I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
