I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
