i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
