I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
