Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
