please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
