just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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