My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
