He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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