Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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