You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
