We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
