I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
