D3 body, D1 cock
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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